Let’s Play Monopoly: Listing With The Beer Store

Getting Listed at the Beer Store

Today is an exciting day for you “consume at home” type beer drinkers (I mean, aren’t we all that type of drinker really?) It’s a day that, frankly, we thought would come much sooner and arrive in a completely different manner, but alas, here we are with a half measure that ultimately gets the job done (better than nothing… right!?)

As of this very second, you can now buy Distorted Re(ale)ity Pale Ale for take home consumption from the Beer Store! (if you just want to know what locations to buy the beer from and don’t want to read any more of this blog, scroll to the end of this post).

It’s been a long time coming and we are absolutely thrilled that we now have a way to get beer to your mouth in a new and exciting way. For the first time you will now be able to toss back a delicious pint of Badlands beer in the comfort of your own home, or wherever it is that you consume beer outside of licensed establishments.


Why the Beer Store?

The decision to list in The Beer Store was made easy for us because of your guys’ oft stated desire to drink our beer at your home (incredibly flattering to hear that by the way), your extremely positive feedback on the beer we’ve produced to date (also incredibly flattering to hear) and just your general all around awesomeness (your turn to be flattered – ya’ll are great).

We’ve had a number of people ask us where they can get our beer and drink it at home, to which we always have to disappoint by answering “nowhere :(” (I genuinely sad face in real life every time. True story). And with no firm timeline for when we’ll have an on-site bottle shop operational at this point, we thought it was finally time to smarten up and deliver an at home drinking experience to you any way we could. We also wanted to list in the LCBO, but that takes significantly longer and we missed the pre-submission deadline by a few days once we decided to move on this. Such is life. We’re hoping to get it listed there as soon as we can for you LCBO drinkers, but I will not attach a timeline to that promise, for I will simply be guessing, and thus lying to you if/when we miss it.

Our original plan was to have a bottle shop open sometime in the summer of 2017, thereby allowing us to sell beer to you beautiful people face to face. We envisioned having a chat, sharing a laugh, nerding out about beer stuff, and just overall sharing a great beer buying/selling experience. That whole time frame thing imploded, and well, there isn’t a bottle shop on the farm (yet). There also isn’t a new time frame (yet) for when a bottle shop will materialize, though we are optimistic about 2018 (hopefully that is general and broad enough that we succeed in hitting our time frame this time! We’re working our asses off to make it happen. Promise!)


Our Reservations About Listing in the Beer Store

The truth is we had our reservations about listing with The Beer Store, or the LCBO for that matter. As a very small independently owned brewery, at our core we have some pretty significant ideological issues (to put it lightly) with the monopolistic system that Ontario’s alcohol distribution exists within (of which the beer store is a part of, not necessarily a catalyst for). But ultimately our desire to put beer in your hands sooner than later is more important to us at this point in time than disagreeing with, and fighting against, an archaic, outdated, and deeply entrenched monopolistic alcohol distribution system.

Also worth pointing out is that dealing with The Beer Store to get our beer listed was about as smooth and easy a process as I could have envisioned. It was relatively quick and painless, and really I have nothing but good things to say about the way they handled bringing us on. Professional and pleasant to deal with through and through.

There are a number of other things I take issue with, but really that has nothing to do with The Beer Store and the people who work there, and it has everything to do with our provincial government and the way they decided to “modernize” Ontario’s alcohol laws following prohibition, and more recently in 2013. But more on that another time. For now, it’s time to celebrate getting beer into your hands. Let’s talk Distorted.


The Dirty Deets:

Beer Name: Distorted Re(Ale)ity

Beer Style: Pale Ale

Alcohol By Volume (ABV): 5.6%

Tasting Notes: Notes of peach, berry and citrus delivered on a cloud-like pillow for your mouth. Pungent aromas reminiscent of a citric, tropical fruit medley. A low bitterness, easy drinking beer that is as delectably juicy as it is hazy.

The Story Behind the Beer: We’re a couple of idiots who thought it was a good idea to open a brewery in an old retrofitted calf barn (the jury is very much still out on the intelligence of this move). We make a lot of different beers in very small batches, but between our tasting panel of 2 childhood friends and 1 wife, we’ve determined that this is the recipe we like most. It’s all the things we love in a hoppy beer, and it’s one of our OG homebrew recipes.

What does the name mean you ask?

Originally the word distorted was just another way for us to say the word “hazy.” After all, Distorted Re(Ale)Ity is a very hazy beer; but the word hazy, and it’s infinite variations, has been used to death in craft beer over the last couple of years and we wanted to stay away from that. So distorted is where we landed, and then we thought we would throw in a little pun with Re(Ale)Ity because this is beer, and beer is a punny place.

That being said, with a little time and hindsight on the name – and just a little bit of time and wear and tear on us as small business owners in general – I think the name has taken on a new meaning for us at the brewery. Suddenly it seems very fitting to launch Distorted as our first beer (first widely available beer that is. Gotta respek (not a typo) Batch 3 Bootleg for being our first, first. We love you baby. Don’t ever change.) Now I think the name has more to do with our own distorted sense of reality then it does the turbidity of the beer.

Opening a brewery with as little money and man/woman power as we have isn’t easy. Just opening a brewery (or any business in general) is a massively complex and work intensive undertaking (one we definitely underestimated, as I’m sure just about everyone has). It takes a warped sense of the reality unfolding around you — particularly as it pertains to your time, relationships and your finances — to make it happen (never mind just being able to sleep at night.) You have to be able to bend and translate the things happening around you in your day to day life just enough to make self-doubt and failure malleable concepts. Enough so that you can keep believing in what you’re driving towards (without crawling too far up your own ass into “you’ve lost your fucking mind” territory, of course), even when you just want to give up and say “fuck it.”

This beer is us. This beer is where we’re at. The name is a small look behind the curtain of our psyche. We hope you love it.


Beer Store Locations that Carry Distorted:

  1. Bolton – 150 McEwen Drive E
  2. Brampton – Bramalea City Centre – 80 Peel Centre Drive
  3. Brampton – Kingspoint Plaza – 374 Main
  4. Brampton – Hurontario/Steeles – 55 Charolais Blvd
  5. Mississauga – 6780 Town Centre Circle
  6. Orangeville – 270 Broadway Street
  7. Guelph – Willow West Mall – 111 Silvercreek Parkway


Final Note:

If you like the beer, or any of our beer in general – including those at the restaurants and bars we currently sell with – please get out there and support them! Also, if you like Distorted specifically, please make sure you get out there and buy it from your local Beer Store (I mean, only if your local store carries us of course).

Happy Drinking!